Awkwardness created by drama

Today, I have found lots of amazing queer blogs from this website

http://www.autostraddle.com/ten-queer-blogs-you-should-be-reading-41806/ ...although it is really 8.

Two of the posts got me thinking. At first they do not really appear to be linked. 

The first one was

http://queerfatfemme.com/2009/10/13/nobody-ever-died-of-awkward-the-queer-fat-femme-guide-

to-battling-insecurity-and-asking-people-out/

and the second one is

http://effingdykes.blogspot.com/2011/05/stage-fright.html

The first one is a great upbeat piece about asking people out, and exciting things like going on dates. I guess the message behind it is 1) you may as well ask people out because “nobody ever died of awkward” i.e. it is not that big a deal if they say no and 2) to be confident doing it. The second one is about how people create unnecessary amounts of drama in their life, i.e. blow things out of proportion and emotionally make their lives more complicated than they need to be.

The line “Nobody ever died of awkward” is quite a catchy one and if followed, probably means that you will have more opportunities in life as you will go for what you want even if it may involve rejection. So...why do people tend not to do this? I guess the first reason is fear of rejection and the awkward moment whereby the other person may possibly turn you down. These issues should be fleeting and not a problem in the long term....if it were not for some of the issues touched upon in the second blog, which revolves around DRAMA; although bitchiness and gossip also come into play.

So here’s the scenario. You fancy someone...And you kind of know them....or your friends or acquaintances know them. This is obviously going to be the case, as if nobody else knows this person then how did you meet them? Normally if I fancy someone, if they don’t see me in the same way I would still like to be friends with them. So when asking them out, creating a situation where things are NOT awkward is quite important. I don’t want this awkwardness to linger and affect the friendship. This brings me onto the issue of DRAMA, bitchiness and gossiping. I feel part of this drama is from the person doing the asking out blowing out of proportion the effects of rejection. In all reality, it probably won’t be that bad. The other person will be flattered, and say no. BUT

1)    
The person doing the asking then may feel awkward around the person because they think that they have made the other person awkward...which will cause tension in the friendship

2)      
OR the person being asked may feel bad because they have turned someone down. Or they feel like if they stay friends with this person they will be leading them on or that this person will still have feelings for them and so it will be awkward.

(Why do people care if someone they don’t fancy fancies them?)

Are the two possibilities above even really that likely? I find that the most common cause of awkwardness is THINKING something is going to be awkward. I would not advise doing something (well actually I would not advise anything at all, as there is the possibility that I could be really really wrong) without thinking about the risks and consequences of actions. But it is important to distinguish between real and perceived risks, and to accurately judge how likely doing this action will lead to a negative impact in the long term (ie. Longer than a week).

If anyone has any thoughts on the matter..or why the above is flawed, please comment below. 

Summer Climbing Project

Climbing is obsessive, yet like most sports remains ulterly pointless. I went to Caley on Wednesday with the aim of working on my summer project; Mr Smooth. This involved a brief warm up on some high easy routes in an attempt to get me used to climbing higher boulders and not freaking out at the top of problems. It was then straight on to Mr Smooth, and I proceeded for the next hour and a half to try the same sequence of about three moves falling off in roughly the same place each time and slowly scraping the skin off my fingers in the process.

I have not managed to complete the climb yet. But I will be back, re-energised and with more skin on my fingers. The thing that struck me today which is really explains the passion I have about climbing is the determination to try a climb over and over again, until it is done (preferably on the day, but sometimes I have to come back to finish it), I get too tired, or realise that the climb is not in my ability. The annoying thing about Mr Smooth it that I managed to complete the hardest move..once, and then could not find a good place to put my foot, even though from the ground there were many obvious places. This is the type of climb I need to complete. It is hard (for me), I can‘t do it easily, but it is within my ability, and I have the height and strength to do it. Every time I fall off, I am annoyed with myself for not holding on a little bit longer, for doing it wrong, for loosing my balance, for whatever it is that is making me fall off. But why do I care so much? I am so close, but not there yet. Doing this climb is not a competition I am having with someone else. It is a competition I have made with myself. It is this process of setting a challenge and then trying to complete it that makes climbing so great. Sometimes the challenge is technical and involves spending time, either at the climb or during everyday life thinking about how to do it. Sometimes the challenge is mental, and is about the fear of falling off/doing a hard move/climbing high up and judging the risks and your own ability. The process of having a challenge is fun in itself and completing the challenge gives a great sense of achievement. Plus the more you climb, the better you become and thus the more you enjoy the sport. 

I will put up a picture of Mr Smooth soon.